We hit our first anniversary, Archie’s birthday on 6 September. It was a lot harder than we had expected. Of course we couldn't help but think how things should have been, how he should be opening his presents with us , excited to have his birthday cake and his friends come over for a party. Again, if Archie was still with us this still wouldn't have been the case, his day would have been full of medicines and seizures , it's just all so cruel.
As a family we tried our hardest to put on brave faces and smile and we did but there were plenty of tears behind our smiles and in those quiet moments to ourselves. I would have done anything to have cwtched my little boy and kissed him happy birthday, anything!
We walked up the mountain and sent him balloons with birthday wishes and came back to have birthday cake. Jack and Matilda had little gifts from Archie. That day has made it clear how hard anniversaries are going to be.
Since Archie's birthday I have felt a little down. I miss him every day, every second of every day and I would simply do anything to see him, but I know I can't. I know 'life goes on’ as people say, and I understand that it is a lot easier for people and I get it, but for us it's not that easy. It really isn't. Yes, life goes on for us – but some days are a bit struggle.
I always say that we laugh, smile and have fun, but it doesn't mean Archie isn't in our minds all the time. It’s becoming quite noticeable to us now that Matilda is reaching milestones that Archie never did. It's amazing to see her develop and amazing to see her having fun while doing so; we love it but it also highlights what Archie couldn't do.