Emrys’ Story
The only normal thing
Going up the A470 to visit my family is just a normal thing for us to do. That journey back to Cricieth was the first and only normal thing we ever got to do with Emrys.
Gorgeous in every way
Emrys was a character from day one. He was a perfect mix of both of us and you could just see he was our son. He had Luke’s eyes, my dark features and Luke’s long legs. He was just gorgeous in every single way.
But he was tiny at 804 grammes when he was born.
Emrys was born on March 6 2024 at 25 weeks and three days, after a long IVF journey.
They’d told us they’d need to take him to NICU straight away and they did, we knew he was in safe hands.
It’s going to be a rollercoaster
Emrys’ consultant said ‘This is going to be a rollercoaster. There’s going to be ups and there’s going to be downs.’
We said, ‘We don’t like rollercoasters. But if we have to ride the rollercoaster, we’ll ride Emrys’ any day.’
So we got into a little routine – we were dab hands at changing nappies around all the wires and the tubes in his incubator.
But in the early hours of the morning, at 5 days old, Emrys suddenly stopped his sporadic movements. We had a call from NICU: “Come in, we’re concerned about your son”. Another scan found a bleed on his brain. They did everything they could, but the reality just hit. Emrys wasn’t going to recover from this.
We got to hold him
It was then we got to hold Emrys for the first time since he arrived at NICU.
I’d carried Emrys for 25 weeks, but Luke had never carried him. So placing him in Luke’s arms – that was a big moment. We both felt a lot of different emotions.
Then I had cuddles. Emrys’ skin was so soft and beautiful. Gorgeous in every way. The feeling of being able to kiss his little face and nose whilst he was in my arms. It was just amazing.
It felt like the end of our journey
We knew what was ahead for Emrys, and difficult conversations were had with the doctors and I’d just said ‘Not today. Not today.’
We could have tried to buy more time, but that wouldn’t have been fair on Emrys. The last thing we wanted was for something else to happen to him.
So it was Thursday 14th March. Our immediate family came to the hospital, everyone had the opportunity to hold him and we were given our own little room. Emrys came out of his incubator and onto the bed with us. All the tubes were taken away. We saw his beautiful face without any tubes for the first time.
We just had time with him then. Just the two of us with Emrys, chatting, reading to him and singing him to sleep for the very last time.
He passed away quietly in our arms at twelve minutes past three in the afternoon.
We got to bathe him then, and walked him out of NICU in a pram. He was then taken to the children’s mortuary, it felt like the end of our journey.
A whole feeling of peace
I just knew that I wanted Emrys back home in Cricieth, a special place in both our hearts. It’s so peaceful. You can hear the sea from the cemetery. And my grandparents are there to look after Emrys.
No funeral directors would do the whole drive though and we had no energy or capacity to think up a solution on our own to getting him to Cricieth.
I don’t know what we would have done without Lou from Tŷ Hafan who gave us all the support we needed to do this.
She explained that it was OK for us to take Emrys home to North Wales ourselves, a possibility that wouldn’t have otherwise even entered our minds. Lou also made all the necessary arrangements and most of all, we knew that she was there for us, practically and emotionally, as she still is now.
Luke: Emrys was in his basket in the back with Gwenno. I was driving and Waldo, our dog, was on the front passenger seat.
It was just a whole feeling of peace. We weren’t in a clinical environment any more. We talked to Emrys the whole way, sharing our stories. And Emrys was going somewhere safe to rest.
Having those few hours of togetherness on that journey to North Wales, without any doubt, helped us to process things.
When we got to Cricieth we went down to the seafront. I’d said I’d wanted Emrys to see the sea before anything else. Then our undertaker took Emrys into his care. A few days later we laid Emrys to rest with our immediate families and had a service with our closest friends to share Emrys’ short but important life.
Tŷ Hafan is always there for you
We had bereavement support from the hospital but I knew this would be short-lived. I was worried I was creating a rapport with somebody, sharing everything about Emrys, but then I was just going to have to let it go.
Then we came to Tŷ Hafan.
That summer service for the first time – being able to place Emrys’ pebble, with all our family there, three months after meeting and losing him. It was another milestone in his journey. You feel a part of it. Emrys is a part of Tŷ Hafan.
We know Tŷ Hafan is always there. Tŷ Hafan is such a constant.
‘It’s Emrys’ Mam’
We come to Tŷ Hafan’s memorial garden often. I just love being able to buzz in to Tŷ Hafan and say, ‘It’s Emrys’ Mam.’ Because it’s not often I’m able to say that out loud.
Emrys has a home down here as well as in North Wales. That’s really special, I feel really privileged to have that opportunity. The continuity of it.
Emrys lives on in Tŷ Hafan. He’s got his place there with so many other special children and babies. Hearing Emrys’ name read out on an annual basis and thinking of him as one of the butterflies on the wall, it’s so special and those are the memories that we can now carry. That’s one of his annual celebrations and something for us to aim towards. That comfort of knowing those little milestones come up is really important.
Milestones for Emrys
We’re never going to be able to see Emrys go to school, or graduate, or become captain of the Welsh football team. We can dream it, but we’re not going to see it.
So the opportunities that Tŷ Hafan gives us, including this, sharing his story, these are the milestones for Emrys. And we are so proud of the difference that he has made.
His life was eight days. And it was the best eight days despite what we went through. We had the worst moments of our lives and we had the absolute best as well, but that’s only because of Emrys. He was such a brave boy. He made us parents and we are so proud of him. It’s a privilege to be his parents and will always be so.
